Archive for the 'SEO Humor' Category
Love this video!
I was trying to think of a creative place to hide my extra house key but apparently Google searchers are querying for something else.
I put together a fake news story last week and it seems someone posted it to Reddit.com and then the fun began! I got a phone call from my host at around 8pm and he said my website might be under a DoS attack because it was receiving 100+ http requests per second!! Needless to say my poor shared hosting account crashed and my host was working hard to keep it live!
Here are the results so far
The website usually gets 200-300 visits a day. The 86k requests I could not serve kinda sucks but I was not really expecting this to go as viral as it did. I will update this after the 24 hour mark.
30 hour update!
While I still find some small value in print advertising I really dislike it when a sales person throws out a totally irrelevant statistic to try and sell me on it. I don’t like being sold like I am stupid.
Just to recap our conversation, wanted to reach out and see if you’d like to restart your advertising in the xxxxx xxxxxx Newspapers. You had mentioned getting business through Google but why not capture both markets, Internet AND Print? Doing so helps you get the best of both worlds. Remember, only 21% of people have internet worldwide!
We are located in a major metropolitan area and I would guess the statistic here is 98% of households have Internet access.
Love this one! Very funny.
Judging by this photo of all the phone books that ended up in the garbage bin, I would have to say YES!
Every couple of days someone posts on Craislist looking for a Junior this or Entry level that but asks for senior management level design, marketing and SEO skills, then they give a really small budget or salary.
Get some laughs below!!
Top Notch Web Developer/Designer Required for Little or No Pay (Toronto)
Date: 2011-02-02, 1:30PM EST
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Hey web designer and web developer folks!
- Do you enjoy stressful atmospheres and unreasonably tight deadlines?
- Do you like to work in poor uncomfortable office facilities with under quoted projects, and computer illiterate co-workers?
- If you had the choice between getting paid for hard work, and being able to afford food, would you choose neither?
- Are you willing to work 20 hour days and most weekends to get the job done “as the client sees fit”?
- Do you like it when a client takes your work and dismantles it into boxes with two colors from your beautiful design?
- Would you like to spend “more time than needed as required” on a project without pay?
If you said YES to any of these questions than we are looking for you!
A high-profile, top of the line, major corporation is looking for the smartest web sharp minds to help build its client websites. This multi-billion dollar company is seeking only the best and brightest to sustain its growth and dominate the web. Think of them as the next, Google, Facebook, YouTube, MySpace, Twitter and LinkedIn all rolled into one!
Please read below a list of expert requirements for this once in a lifetime opportunity!
As an expert web designer and web developer you will be responsible for hard coding custom built CMS platforms, FACEBOOK applications, iPhone and iPad Apps, Apps for Blackberry and Android OS, as well as maintain over 100 websites and perform SEO maintenance on all of them, you will also be responsible for any simple computer problems that we may have (your our new IT guy too!!!), and managing a team of 12 like minded individuals. This role requires dedication and hard work, in this company you will also get us coffee, answer our phones, clean up the office after hours and take out the trash. We might also need you in case of emergency when we don’t know what to do and we need to blame somebody, that will be you!! This job has its perks too!! Some of the perks with working for a multi-million dollar company? We pay every quarter if that! We give you a nice cot to sleep in during your break in the parking garage, and we will not hesitate to keep the cars running so that you can listen to talk radio!
- Degree or Masters in Web Design and Graphic Design
- 30+ years experience in Web Design and Development
- 45 + years of technical expertise in PHP, MySQL, LAMP, ASP, .NET, HTML 5, SEO, PPC, AS3, IIS, CD + DVD
- Own vehicle (or large enough BMW SUV to carpool our entire staff)
- Pirate Software like Adobe CS5, Final Cut Pro, AVID, MS Office 2010 (for our office use only)
- Lots of black sweaters and Starbucks Coffee Cups
- Home Depot Credit Card to help spruce up our office setting.
- Due to our high-profile existence we will give you great reference!
- We will allow you to add our websites to your portfolio!
- We have access to one coffee machine!
- We will tell you that you are doing a good job!
- After a 6 month trial period we will pay $10.00/hr with possibility of raise after 10 years.
- We have full benefits after 6 months (the accountant is a pseudo dentist, and our secretary took nursing in school)
If you think you have what it takes to work with an exciting multi-million dollar company with the potential of earning hundreds of dollars, GIVE US A CALL OR SHOOT US AN EMAIL!!!
Here is our contact info: 666 Heaven Street Toronto, ON M5V 4A7 Phone: 1-866-SUCKER Fax: 416-567-8900 Email: email@example.com
All applicants MUST be located in Toronto, no outside agencies please!
I am working with an Indian programmer on a few projects and we were having a laugh looking back at this old post. I thought I would revive it for a little Friday humor.
I found this log from a conversation I had with someone I was outsourcing some web design to in India a few years ago. I was laughing so hard by the end of this I just had to save it.
net_karigar :what is a butt ?
net_karigar : what type of button you needing ?
net_karigar : and u need a celebrity button ?
eqiwantgame: yes I would like the flash to incorporate the logo being written out, animated and somehow incorporating a butt, ass, tush, bottom, bum
eqiwantgame: rear end
eqiwantgame: what you sit on
net_karigar : ?
eqiwantgame: not a button
net_karigar : then
eqiwantgame: a butt!
net_karigar : butt means ?
eqiwantgame: rear end
net_karigar : not understand
net_karigar : please explain
eqiwantgame: aCuteAss.com = nice looking butt, bum, behind, the thing you sit on
net_karigar : confused
net_karigar : ?
eqiwantgame: i am finding a picture to explain
net_karigar : ok
net_karigar : waiting
eqiwantgame: http://www.clubvibes.com/magazine/article.asp?id=1508 (it used to link to a picture of Jennifer Lopez’s butt)
eqiwantgame: picture on right
eqiwantgame: cute bum
net_karigar : let me check
I started 2011 off by getting two strikes on my first two bowling balls of the year, so that should mean a stellar year for me personally?! Here are some of my thoughts and predictions for this year.
- Google will face some more heavy anti-trust lawsuits and will start to back-off on their greed factor. Google has now pushed organic (natural) listings down past the fold, squeezing out online directories and information providers (weather and sports score sites) and have implemented ads right inside emails.
They are so aggressive in their quest to earn another few billion that soon, everyday folks will start realizing that they might not be the best search alternative. The big question is, can a new search engine or one of the older ones step-up and do something that will help the mainstream searchers switch over? I predict that besides the rough ride Google might have with anti-trust issues they will remain dominant and retain most of their market share.
- Apple will come out with an iPad Lite or iPad Jr. – iPads have been very popular but they sure are big! I think Apple will have an option for a smaller more compact iPad this year. My guess is the new version will have a 7.7 inch screen so it will be roughly 20% smaller.
- A terrorist attack in the USA will succeed on a much smaller scale than 9/11. I predict something like a bombing in the downtown core of a major US city in CA or NY. My guess is that many plots over the last few years have been foiled but the crazy, sick terrorists will continue trying.
- The US government will announce increased rebates for purchasers of electric cars. The current rebate of $7,500 will be increased to at least $8,000 and maybe as high as $10,000. The USA and in fact all of North America needs to start ending its love affair with fossil fuels and electric cars are a big part of this solution.
- Similar to the above I predict a breakthrough this year in electric car batteries that will allow for a 25% increase in travel distances and a similar decrease in charging times.
Long Term Prediction
- This one might come across as more science fiction than science but I predict by the year 2050 we will be utilizing solar and lightning power for 90% of the worlds energy needs.